To Get to the Other Side
by PK.Atomyst
Summary: Why did the Magical Girl cross the road?
1. To Feel Regret

Considering my own acquaintance with the subject, I thought it would be prudent to do additional research on the topic.

 _Time Travel._

I may very well be the only person in the world who has actually experienced the phenomenon, though I have found others on the Internet who at least claimed to have done the same. Some spoke of isolated incidents, going back weeks or months with full memory of future events but no idea how it had happened. Others claimed to have free access to the flow of time, being able to travel to the past and future as they please. I imagine most, if not all of these, are either liars or insane.

I also found those who simply had an interest in studying the topic from a scientific point of view, discussing the physics necessary and exploring the possibility of creating machines which could travel through time. These numbers and theories are meaningless to me, however. My method does not require complicated formulas. I just place my hand upon this shield, feel the cold steel beneath my palm, and twist.

Aside from looking at the topic scientifically, there is another angle to ponder it from. This is the one that was most dangerous for me, and I wish I could have stopped my mind from traveling down this path, for it caused me to commit my greatest sin. I have since attempted to free my mind and forget the horrible things I had done during five of those time loops. I wish I could forget about how I had… _experimented…_

 _Experimented with the life of my only friend._

Putting it into those words brings tears to my eyes… but that is exactly what I had done.

It started as an accident. A series of events which, if just one piece had not fallen in quite the same manner, would not have happened. Junko Kaname once explained the dangers of mixing bleach and toilet cleaner to her daughter. By themselves, they were relatively harmless, but mixed together they could set off a chain reaction and lead to tragedy. That is exactly what this was. Considering that I was already living in an endless maze of tragedy, you should be able to understand the depths of my words, when I point to those five loops and single them out as the darkest period of my journey through hell.

It began eighteen days into the first of the five loops I speak of. Until this point, things had transpired as they normally would: I transfered into the school, gave Madoka my warnings in the hall, tried to keep Kyubey away from her, and she and Sayaka eventually met Mami.

Abruptly, on that eighteenth day, something about Madoka had changed. I saw the terror in her eyes as she walked into class that day. The paleness of her face. The awkwardness of her movements, and the way she could not hold her pencil without her hand shaking.

Both Mami Tomoe and Sayaka Miki were still alive, so that was not the cause. It could have been a reaction to seeing her first witch - the timeframe matched - but… I have seen her reaction to those events before. Having those horrors shatter her world sometimes caused despair to overcome her… but not like this… _Not like this…_

 _Something was different…_

Sayaka Miki, on the other hand, was her normal self. Cracking jokes, laughing, even poking fun at Madoka in her usual way, but completely ignoring how unresponsive her friend was to her humor.

 _No… she was not normal either…_

It was too much; she was trying too hard to hide it. Between her corny jokes and bright smiles, there was a deep layer of guilt... Whatever was different about this timeline, Sayaka was a part of it...

 _What happened?_ I asked myself.

 _What happened…_

Once class started, Sayaka finally stopped with her insensitive chatting and sat at her desk like a model student. When I glanced back, I could see the concern in Hitomi's eyes as well. She did not know what was going on, but she too could tell that _something_ was amiss.

It was not that hard to tell, either. Even Saotome-sensei caught a glimpse of Madoka's horrified expression. She had a class to teach, though, so she continued on normally at first. However, as soon as she was no longer needed at the front of the room, and had the students busy with a worksheet, she walked over to Madoka and kneeled down beside her.

Saotome whispered to her, trying not to draw attention from the class. I used magic to enhance my hearing and listen in.

"Madoka, are you okay?"

Madoka gave no verbal response, and I was pretending to work on the math problem in front of me, so I could not see her; but she probably gave a little nod.

"Well, you don't look okay. Why don't you go see the nurse?"

"A-alright…" Madoka whispered. Her voice was so soft that I imagine her lips barely moved. She then slid her chair out away from her desk and got up. Saotome-sensei went with her, leaving the room in the middle of class for the first time that I had ever witnessed in my many time loops.

There was a little hushed chatting in response to this from the class, mostly concerned. Hitomi leaned towards Sayaka and asked, "What's going on with her? Did something happen after school yesterday?"

Sayaka shrugged. "Beats me. Eh, it's probably nothing too major. Probably just sick or something."

Hitomi clearly did not appreciate that answer, but apparently did not know how to respond, so she just left it at that. They both went back to doing their classwork.

Not long after that, Saotome came back, but Madoka was not with her. After collecting the classwork, she casually announced to the class, "Kaname-san is feeling ill and will not be joining us for the rest of the day, but do not worry, she is okay. She is just too unwell to continue, so the nurse sent her home early." Then she addressed Sayaka directly. "Miki-san, can you bring her bag and classwork to her home after school?"

"Ah, sure thing, Saotome-sensei!"

The period continued normally from there on, but once the bell rang Saotome drew the attention of Sayaka and Hitomi, wanting to speak with them. I collected my things as slowly as possible, wishing to eavesdrop on what was said, but it was clear Saotome was waiting for the class to clear before starting. Instead, I left the class, but remained right outside in the hallway so I could use my enhanced hearing to listen in.

Hitomi was the first to express her concerns and asked what was going on. Saotome said she did not know, and went on to ask them for clues to Madoka's strange mood. Neither of them seemed to have anything to offer, though it was clear Hitomi thought much harder on the topic than Sayaka she was still unable to come up with an explanation.

"Yeah, I don't know Saotome-sensei," said Sayaka. "Maybe we should just give her some time and she'll probably come around? I don't think anything happened."

"Okay… you might be right," said Saotome, "but if you do think of anything, please let me know. Here, I'll give you both my phone number."

Having heard enough, I continued down the hall, not wanting to risk being caught listening in on them like that.

There was no doubt about it, something had happened, and there was something else that was completely clear: Sayaka knew what it was. Furthermore, there was the way she kept denying that anything at all was amiss, I had seen her do that before. That was Sayaka Miki's way of dealing with guilt. Therefore, was it Sayaka's fault that Madoka was like this? She had hurt Madoka in past timelines, plenty of times, but usually not until she was succumbing to her own despair and on the verge of becoming a witch. It was too early for that, and either way, this was the worst that I had ever seen Madoka. Even after personally witnessing Sayaka become a witch, she was still able to get through her school day. The way she was now, however…

" _It doesn't make sense!"_ I thought. " _Sayaka has not even made her contract yet, so what could she possibly have-"_

My thoughts stopped there. I realized she _should_ not have made a contract yet, but I did not actually think to check. That usually would not happen until after the Sweets Witch had hatched, which would not occur until tomorrow.

I continued on to my next class, but stopped at my locker along the way. I started pretending to be busy with exchanging books, just waiting for Sayaka to pass me so that I could look for her SoulGem, or lack of one. When she finally came down the hall along with Hitomi, I discreetly glanced toward her left hand.

Indeed, there it was, along with the blue C-shaped tattoo on her middle fingernail. Sayaka Miki was a Magical Girl. I took a moment to ponder what this meant. She had contracted early in timelines before, but simply her making a contract did not explain Madoka's completely lost and horrified expression. I thought the two might not even be directly related, but still, this could be a clue to what exactly transpired yesterday.

Did Sayaka do something crazy and hurt someone? That was one possibility that entered my mind. If she had accidentally murdered an innocent person with her new powers which she had not gained control of yet, and Madoka had been forced to keep that secret…

I shook my head in irritation. It was a wild conclusion, and one I did not have any evidence for. However, I had already gone through a countless number of time loops, and even in Madoka's darkest moments I had never seen her act this way. Sayaka's clearly guilty conscious was also eating away at me.

Something out of the ordinary happened… something horrible. I knew that, but the truth of what had transpired the previous day was far more horrifying than I possibly could have imagined.

Looking back on it now, I wish I had just turned back time in that very moment. If only I had done that I could have put a stop to the chain of events that began to unfold, and stopped myself from going down that terrible road which would lead to my greatest sin.

I'm sorry Madoka… for everything…

But how could I have known?

 _How could I have known…_

* * *

 _Next chapter coming soon._

 _ **-Atomyst**_

 _ **Follow me on Twitter at /Atomyst_Fics where I give updates on my writing progress every Thursday.**_


	2. To Search for Answers

I have ascended beyond humanity. I am no longer simply a schoolgirl, or even a Magical Girl. A tiny piece of myself may hold those statuses, which I maintain for the sake of protecting Madoka, but beyond that I am now so much more than my human counterpart.

Long ago, before even knowing about magic, I attended a Catholic school where I learned about the supposed greatness of God, and before continuing I must briefly make this point:

 _I am not God._

What Madoka and I have become is something different. I have not seen heaven or hell and cannot say for sure if either truly exists. Becoming a concept could not answer these questions, but in my case the answer to if God or an afterlife exists had already been answered while I journeyed through my endless maze.

I will explain.

I have watched all of my friends die a countless number of times, and an entire city turned to ruin over and over. I could undo all of that, however, and return things to a state where it was like none of it ever happened. I was not just resetting their lives, I was also resetting the moon and the stars. Beyond that, the entire universe would be forced to step back along with me, and it was done with a simple turn of my wrist.

Now, a relevant question worth asking is this: where _do_ the dead go when they die? If they pass to an afterlife, then would that not mean I had been plucking them back from that afterlife? If that were the case, then heaven would be bending to my command, and that would mean I was more powerful than God.

No… that is ridiculous. I am not that powerful, and therefore I can conclude this:

 _God does not exist._

This line of thinking was far away from my mind back then, however. My mission had three points of success: saving Madoka's life; keeping her from becoming a Magical Girl; and protecting the city from Walpurgisnacht. Anything that did not directly relate to these things were meaningless to me.

What _was_ meaningful was to uncover the cause of Madoka's behavior that day at school. I could have attempted to question Sayaka on it, and I considered doing that, but ultimately decided not to waste my time. I knew Sayaka would not come clean to me either way.

Interrupting communications between Madoka and Kyubey was a far higher priority. Normally I would be able to predict everywhere Madoka would go and therefore I would know when Kyubey was most likely to make his moves. There was usually some variation, but ultimately things tended to go the same way, barring some major change to the chain of events early in the timeline. This was a timeline like that, so I decided not to take chances and go straight to Madoka's house after school. Aside from the typical concerns regarding Kyubey… I was worried about her, and wanted to see her.

The Sweets Witch would be hatching this afternoon, but with Sayaka contracted and able to aid Mami I did not have too many concerns of things going wrong there. Madoka was the priority today, and as I walked the path Madoka herself would normally walk home from school, I continued to ponder what this timeline's change could have been.

I knew I could not uncover the answer simply by thinking about it, however. I needed to find some evidence before coming up with any worthwhile theories.

Once I arrived in Madoka's neighborhood, I went behind a bush to transform. I had used this location to change in past timelines whenever I felt the need to make a trip to her house. Usually my purpose for coming here was to snatch Kyubey up from her windowsill before he got a chance to speak to her.

Once I had transformed I stopped time so I would remain invisible, then approached Madoka's house. I noticed another anomaly: Junko's car was in the driveway. Normally she would be at work right now, but perhaps she left early to come pick Madoka up from school. That worried me even more, because it showed just how seriously wrong Madoka's behavior was if her mother - the dedicated businesswoman - was compelled to leave work early. Again, even in Madoka's darkest moments from past timelines she was always able to hold herself together at school… but something was different this time...

I walked to the back of her house, and resumed time right outside Madoka's bedroom window. I listened for a moment, but could not hear anything, so I cautiously peeked inside. I saw Madoka laying on her bed, huddled in the fetal position with her arms wrapped around her legs. Her back was facing towards me, but I assumed she must have been sleeping.

I stopped time once again and came through the window. I stood at the foot of her bed and looked around the room. Everything seemed normal to me at that moment, but I would soon experience a new kind of horror.

Her window had been open, and she was still wearing her school uniform, so I assumed she had fallen asleep without pulling the blanket over herself and therefore might be cold. I stepped towards her bed, thinking there would be nothing wrong with pulling the blanket up over her so she would not end up getting sick. As my hand reached down, the angle I was looking at Madoka from shifted, and I could see her face.

I had not realized it at school, but even back there she was holding back some of what she was feeling. The obvious terror in her eyes had been there for everyone to see… but that was not even all of it.

Now, it seemed she could no longer bury it inside. Her pupils were dilated, eyes wide with dark rings around them and wrinkles on her forehead aging her face. The rosiness of her cheeks was gone, her complexion was paper white… and her lips… she...

I gasped, and took a step back. The blanket fell from my hand and froze in the air. She was biting her lip, and doing it so hard she was drawing blood. A thin ribbon of blood ran across her jawline and dripped off her chin. There was already a dark red pool of blood soaked into the mattress.

My hand came up to my heart and my own eyes widened in shock. There was a lot of blood there; she had been lying like this for a while. She had been lying there with that horrified expression, gnawing on her own lip but apparently too far gone to feel the pain.

 _What should I do?_ I thought. I wanted to resume time and grab her by the shoulders, do whatever I could to shake her out of it, or try to comfort her. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, telling myself not to let my emotions guide me. At this point in the timeline I had not properly established a relationship with her; she knew who I was, and was at least vaguely aware of my powers, but suddenly popping up in her room would only startle her. Also, should she scream, her parents would come in and find me here, and that would be hard to explain.

Her parents…

Did they know what she was doing up here? Did they know she was _hurting_ herself? She needed help. I could feel tears stinging the corners of my eyes as I stared at her, frozen in time and frozen in her torment. _What happened?_ I asked myself again. _What happened!?_

I stepped towards her bedroom door, but my feet moved out of sequence and I stumbled, falling against the door and banging my hip on the knob. I ignored the pain. I looked over my shoulder at her one more time. That expression on her face was shattering my heart. To see someone I cared about, someone who I knew to be strong, so completely broken. The cause of it for the first time that day left my mind, and all I could think was: _She needs help!_

I walked down the hallway, my hand still at the center of my chest, feeling my heartbeat. I peaked around the first corner, then proceeded to the kitchen where I found her parents. They were standing, talking to each other, and I could clearly see the concern on their faces, except… it was not concerned _enough_. Chances are they did not know what Madoka was doing right now. They probably sent her to her room to rest, having no idea just how bad her condition had truly become.

I stepped inside the kitchen pantry, deciding I would listen in on them talking for a moment, to see if I could gather any clues. It was cramped inside, but I was able to shut the door on myself, and once it was closed I resumed time.

"-won't say a thing…" Junko spoke with a stressed voice. She paused, probably shaking her head. "I gave up on asking her if something happened, and tried bringing up something unrelated just to get her talking. All she ever does is shake her head if you ask a question, if even that. This isn't normal… I can't stop thinking that something terrible must have happened to her… I tried calling Sayaka as well, since she was with her yesterday, but she won't answer her phone."

"Lets just keep trying," her father said. "Let her rest for now, sort through whatever thoughts are going through her head and she will open up to us soon enough."

"I'm just so worried…"

"I know."

I listened for a while. Their conversation did not make much ground and kept coming back to the same points. What I could tell, however, was right now they were like me from a few minutes ago and had no idea just how wrong things truly were. _She needs help!_ I needed to get them to go upstairs and check on her, and I wracked my brain for how to do it.

I could make a noise that would force them to go upstairs, but it might not be the best option. I could accidentally end up startling Madoka even more. Another idea then crossed my mind; it was not one I liked but it seemed like the best option. I supposed, I would have to speak with _Sayaka Miki_ eventually anyway…

I stopped time and left the pantry. I exited the house through the back door, then climbed into a tree in Madoka's backyard which I had used to stake out the Kaname household many times before. I pulled out my phone and dialed Sayaka's number.

It rang for a while, then went to voicemail. She would not recognize my number, as we had not exchanged them in this timeline and I only knew hers from past timelines. Even if she knew it was me calling she might not pick up anyway. I tried again with the same result, then on the third attempt I left a message.

I needed to get her attention, time was of the essence - Madoka was in her room _hurting_ herself - so I did it in the most effective way I could think.

"Sayaka Miki," I spoke with a dry tone. "So, you decided not to heed my advice and became a Magical Girl after all. I am sure you know who this is. I suppose I should not have tried playing nice, but now I have learned my lesson. As I speak I am leaving the Kaname household. I was there to… well..." I let out a dry sardonic laugh. "Let's just say at least _one_ of Kyubey's new potential contractees will now no longer be a concern to me." I let out that same evil laugh once again, playing the villain Sayaka already saw me as. "Well, I'll be seeing you around. Goodbye."

I hung up the phone, and not thirty seconds later Sayaka was calling me back. I ignored it. After another minute I could hear Madoka's house phone ringing. Sayaka probably tried Madoka's cellphone first, but she did not pick up.

I stopped time and jumped down from the tree, then crouched down by the kitchen window. It was closed, but I could still hear inside.

Junko answered the phone. "Hello, Kaname resid- … Sayaka? … Yes Madoka's here, she is in her room resting. … Oh, okay I wanted to just let her sleep, but maybe talking to you will be good for her." Junko paused, and then asked: "Sayaka, I actually wanted to talk to you. Do you know anything about what's going on with her?" There was a long pause as Sayaka spoke from the other side. I did not know what she was saying, but could guess she was denying any knowledge of what was going on, just as she had done with Miss Saotome.

Finally, I heard Junko. "All right, well if you think of anything please let me know right away… I'm really worried about her." She then left the kitchen and I crept around the house to crouch down under Madoka's window once again. I heard Junko knock on her door, and ask to come in with no response from Madoka.

I closed my eyes, and put a hand over my heart, bracing myself for the scene that was about to unfold. The door opened.

"Madoka!" Junko gasped, before running into the room. "Sayaka, I'll call you back," she quickly said, and then hung up the phone. "Madoka! Madoka! Snap out of it!"

"Ma… ma?" Madoka said with a dazed voice, almost as if she did not know where she was.

Junko's voice was already breaking up, "Oh baby, you're bleeding. Come on, get up, come to the bathroom." I was shaken by the tone of Junko's voice; she was the type of person I thought to be unshakable herself, and to hear the fear and desperation behind her soft supportive words was a hard thing to listen to. At least Madoka was now going to get the help she needed, and that fact gave me a small bit of relief.

My phone started vibrating a moment later. It was Sayaka calling me back again. I stopped time to find a good place to answer it. I took a moment to wipe the tears that had formed in my eyes and get myself back under control. I needed to take this chance to properly question Sayaka, and confront her about her role in what was happening to Madoka.

I resumed time then answered the phone. "Hello, Sayaka Miki."

"Homura!" Sayaka practically screamed. "What did you do to her?"

"I did not do a thing. The reaction you heard from Junko a moment ago was thanks to something _you_ did. So, what was it?"

"Wait… so you _are_ over there?" I could practically hear her grinding her teeth. "Damn it! I did not think even _you_ could be this low!"

"Calm down. I was simply keeping an eye on Madoka. Unlike you, I am actually concerned about her condition." Sayaka snapped back with a retort, but I ignored her pointless words and talked over her: "I don't know what you did but I know that it is because of you she is acting this way. Her condition has gotten so bad she is now hurting herself."

"Bullshit! You expect me to believe that? _You_ did something! What was with that message you just left me?"

Sayaka denied responding to the idea that Madoka could be hurting herself, another sign of guilt. I confronted her with it again. "As I said, Madoka _was hurting_ herself and I did not have time to fully explain the situation to you. So, I acted in the most efficient way I could to get you to make Junko go up to her room."

Sayaka paused. She was able to ignore the idea once, but not twice, apparently… "H-hurting herself? W-what do you mean?" The guilty tone in her voice further reinforced what I already knew.

"She was biting her lip… no… trying to _chew through_ her lip. Whatever happened yesterday has terrified her so profoundly, it's like she has become disconnected. I worry what else she might do to herself. So how about coming clean and fessing up to whatever this is? So she can get the proper help that she needs."

Sayaka was silent. I waited her out, figuring I had finally broken down her defences and she was finally ready to come out with it. I thought maybe I should assure her that I am actually on her side and just want to help Madoka as well, but then something unexpected happened-

She hung up the phone.

No response. She just hung up.

I stared at the screen. The call did not drop, she had purposely hung it up without responding. This action definitely was not like the Sayaka I knew, she was never one to run from a confrontation. I called her back, but got no answer. I tried again, but this time it went straight to voicemail. She had completely turned off her phone.

"Damn it," I swore under my breath. Well, at least half of my plan was a success, but Sayaka's reaction added another disturbing layer to this scenario.

 _What could have happened?_ I asked myself again. Not knowing was bothering me more than anything. I had no hints other than the fact that it was not only Madoka, but Sayaka too who was terrified by the situation… _What could it be?_

I decided I would keep an eye on things at the Kaname house for now. On top of everything else, I still had to worry about Kyubey's intervention. I ended up not staying long, however, because I soon spotted Junko leading her daughter out of the house. She had her arm hugged around Madoka, who was walking with such poor posture it seemed she may fall over without her mother's aid.

I hopped down from the tree and hid behind it, and watched as they got into the car. I was going to have to follow them. Not an easy task on foot, but I had my time stop magic to help me.

I followed them for a while, stopping time when they would get too far ahead of me, and resuming it again after finding a good vantage point to track them from. Luckily, their destination soon became clear: the hospital.

That made sense. Madoka needed professional help, and they would also have medications to calm her nerves and help her sleep. However, for now I would no longer be able to tail her. After she was checked in I could stop time and check her room number in the reception desks log. I hoped I could come up with a way to keep an eye on her once I had done that.

For now, I walked around to the side of the hospital where the Sweets Witch normally hatches to verify that it was no longer there. It was not, so as expected Sayaka and Mami must have defeated it already.

I thought for a moment, trying to decide on my next course of action. Sayaka most likely made her wish yesterday, but Kyousuke should still be in the hospital despite being healed. He normally would need a couple of weeks of physical therapy before he had use of his legs again. Therefore, there was a chance Sayaka was inside visiting him, and I could make an attempt to corner her and question her further on what she knew about Madoka.

I entered the hospital with time stopped so that I would not have to explain my presence to any passing doctors or nurses. I peeked into the waiting room, and saw Junko and Madoka sitting together. Madoka was curling her arms into her chest. Time was frozen but based on the look on her face I could imagine she was shaking, and there was now a bandage taped over the right side of her chin where she had chewed through her lip. Junko was hugging onto her, comforting her.

I put my hand against the glass, looked at my dear friend, and silently swore to her that I would fix this. Whatever it was, I would get to the bottom of it and make things right for her again.

Again, in hindsight, jumping back and discarding the whole timeline would have been my best option. As you already know, that is not what I would do, and I think the cruelest aspect of being a time traveler is that the one thing you cannot reset is your own memories.

I would soon be getting my first major hint to what had transpired the previous day.

I went upstairs to Kyousuke's room and found Sayaka there, just as I had hoped. All there was to do now was wait for her to leave and then find somewhere to confront her. I decided the elevator would be the best. I would simply need to step in after her and hit the button to shut the door behind myself. She would have no way of running and would have to hear me out.

"Kyousuke, don't say that!" I heard Sayaka's voice. "You may be able to play again, you just can't lose hope!"

I raised my eyebrow in confusion. Despite being healed, was Kyousuke still having doubts about being able to play again? That was unusual, for he typically would jump right back into-

"It's impossible!" Kyousuke screamed. I heard glass shatter, and Sayaka gasp. "The doctors told me so! They said modern medicine has gone as for as it possible could already! They said I would never be able to play again, and even in the best outcome I'll only barely be able to walk. They told me to just give up! So it's pointless!"

My eyes fully widened…

He had not been healed, but… Sayaka had contracted. I knew this. I saw her ring, and I saw the fingernail tattoo. She absolutely was a Magical Girl, there was no mistake about that. I briefly stopped time and peaked in once again to verify the ring and tattoo were there. Indeed, I had not made a mistake. I resumed time to the sound of Sayaka pleading with him to not give up hope.

 _What does this mean?_ I thought.

Madoka was acting in a way I had never seen before, and Sayaka had become a magical girl early, but Kyousuke had not been healed…

 _That means…_

I put my back against the wall, as the answer became obvious. The reason Sayaka contracted early was because in this timeline she asked for a different wish altogether. But then, what could she have wished for?

Whatever it was, it was clear that it must have been connected to whatever was wrong with Madoka. It _had_ to be connected, there was no way it could be a mere coincidence. But what else could she possibly have wished for? That is what I had to find out.

Sayaka stormed out of Kyousuke's room a moment later, hiding her face in her hands, crying. She was in such a rush she did not notice me as she ran past and just continued to the elevator.

I stopped time. It was time to get serious and force the information out of her if I needed to.

I went down a flight of stairs, then resumed time at the elevator doors. I waited for the one Sayaka was in to indicate it was moving downward, and then I pressed the button to intercept it. I heard its gears slow it to a stop. It let off a _ding_ and then the doors opened.

Sayaka was inside, wiping her face, trying to pull herself together. It was clear she had been sobbing. However, once she registered that it was me standing in the opening she gasped and backed herself tight into the corner, her eyes widening in surprise.

I stepped inside and slammed the red button that forced the doors closed. Sayaka's hand started fidgeting with her SoulGem ring, perhaps considering transforming. Did she think she was going to have to fight me?

"We need to talk," I said simply, keeping a calm tone in hopes Sayaka would not try anything rash. "No more dodging the questions. I don't know what happened, but Madoka needs our help."

"W-what makes you think I know anything?" Sayaka yelled, straightening her posture.

I glanced to her SoulGem ring, and felt a little nervous by the way her other hand kept playing with it.

"I suspect that whatever you wished for yesterday is to blame for Madoka's current state. So what is it?"

Sayaka recoiled in guilt, giving the final verification for what I already knew. "I-it's none of your business! I just… I…" her eyes sank to the side, staring through the wall and becoming distant in the way one does while vividly recalling past events. "I just…"

"Please tell me, I need to know," I pressed on. "Madoka has no chance of getting the help she needs if no one knows what exactly is wrong with her." Sayaka's distant eyes grew wider and wider, her face becoming almost as ghastly as Madoka's had been. I could not imagine what terrible thing was in her head right now.

Tears began silently falling from her eyes. "It's not my fault… I thought…"

"You thought what?"

"Kyubey granted my wish but… not in the way I expected…"

Her eyes suddenly lost that distance and shot back to me, her guilt and horror was replaced with the fire I was more use to seeing in the _hero of justice_. "It's none of your damn business! Okay?" she yelled. Her body became engulfed in blue light; she was transforming. "Madoka's going to be fine! She's going to get over it and be just fine!" I backed away as much as I could in the confined area, and reached under my shield as I watched one of Sayaka's swords form in her hands.

I had been worried she might choose this route, but I honestly did not fully expect it to happen like this. My hand was inside my shield space and I could feel the smooth grip of one of my pistols against my fingertips. However, the confined quarters of this elevator, and being in a public place was no fit place for two Magical Girls to battle, and I had no desire to fight her in the first place.

I released my weapon and let the gears of my shield spin, stopping time before Sayaka could take this any further. I climbed up the elevator shaft and shut it behind me. To Sayaka it would seem like I had just disappeared.

I resumed time, and could hear her sudden gasp of surprise caused by my disappearance.

"We'll talk more later," I said from the top of the elevator. I then stopped time once more and began climbing up the elevator shaft, towards the service door near the top where I would be able to escape.


	3. To See Beyond

I was always reluctant to abandon a timeline, only doing so when it was clear all hope was lost, or if I had failed one of my three points of success. This is because there is another theory of time travel that was always in the back of my mind.

The theory states that when a time traveler jumps back, the world they jump back from continues on an alternate path through history. If this is the case, then that means there are hundreds of alternate timelines where Madoka is either dead or had destroyed the world after turning into a witch.

I've always considered that my journey through the endless maze was for Madoka's sake. Or perhaps I should say, I've always _justified_ it that way. However, if this theory were true, then that would mean my reasons were completely selfish. I was not saving Madoka, but merely looking for a timeline that I was personally content with.

There could be hundreds of versions of Madoka right now, wandering around all alone as a monster, the witch of salvation, watching over a desolate world that I had left her with.

If that were the case, and the timelines I had abandoned truly did continue on, then all I was doing with my countless repeats is torturing the girl I loved. Torturing her for my own selfish gain.

I do not believe that this theory is true. Since becoming a concept I have a better understanding of how the universe structures itself, and I can say with near certainty this is not the case. Still, back then there is no way I could say for sure, and I pondered it on more than one occasion… yet despite my doubts, I continued on.

Truly, does that not make _me_ a monster? I could have been creating world after world that showed Madoka nothing but suffering… but I would not stop… I would never stop…

 _Because I'm selfish…_

* * *

After abandoning my attempts to get Sayaka to confess I remained in the hospital, doing my best to keep an eye on Madoka. She had been checked into the psych ward and was apparently given medications to keep her calm.

Junko stayed with her late into the night. I used my time stop magic to occasionally peak in on them. It seemed that the medication did the trick with helping Madoka get to sleep because she was completely out cold the entire time. Junko just sat by her bedside, worrying over her daughter who had changed from a happy and cheerful girl into a broken shell overnight with no explanation of why.

It was well past midnight when Junko eventually went home, after the doctors persuaded her that Madoka would sleep well into the morning and that they would keep a close eye on her. I still had concerns about Kyubey showing up and pushing her into a contract, so decided to stick around myself.

That night, I was like a phantom in the hospital. Creeping around in the dark, using flashes of my time stop magic to go undetected, and occasionally checking in on Madoka. I even found a dark corner inside her room to watch her from for a while. Strangely, Kyubey never showed his face. Well, Madoka was sound asleep, so maybe he knew this and was waiting until she woke up to make his move.

It was nearly three in the morning when I made one last patrol through the halls. I got a snack at the vending machines and then went back to Madoka's room to peek in on her one last time. I figured I should find somewhere to get a some sleep myself, since it seemed Kyubey was not coming after all.

However, when I opened Madoka's door… she was no longer there...

It was dark, and I rushed to her bedside to verify it was true, and indeed it was. Madoka was gone. I quickly went back out into the hall and looked left and right.

It had only been ten minutes since I last checked on her, so I knew she could not have gone far. I decided to check the perimeter of the hospital first, that way I could at least know for sure she was still in the building. I stopped time while I did this, but did not find her outside. I came back inside and started checking other areas of the hospital near her room, like the bathroom or vending machines. Still, I could not find her.

Where would she go?

Then, on the second floor of the hospital where Madoka had been staying, I noticed the display at the top of the elevator door was showing it was currently on the roof. It was possible a janitor had used it, but without any other leads to go on I hurried up the stairwell to look for her there.

Indeed, that is where I found her. I stood there, chilled by the night air, but relieved to see the small pink haired girl in her hospital gown. Her back was to me and she was standing by the fence, looking through it and out over the city. Then, she put her hands on the fence, gripping her fingers between the chain link, and she pulled herself up. She wedged her toes between the links as well and began to climb.

 _What is she doing?_ I thought. Her motions were slow, but she moved at a rhythmic pase, quickly reaching the top of the fence.

My eyes widened as she leaned her body over the top, and stared at the ground far below, the cool wind blowing the hem of the hospital gown. Her left foot moved up to the top of the fence, and then it became clear what she was planning.

"Madoka!" I screamed her name and ran. Her head turned just as I stopped time. Her body was halfway over the fence in a position where all it would take is letting herself fall limp to flip over the side.

I climbed the fence after her, got my arm around her waist and pulled her off. I landed in a crouch with her held tightly against my body, my legs absorbing most of the impact from the short jump. "Madoka!" I breathed out, shaken by the idea of what she had planned to do.

She looked up at me, her arms limp at her side and not returning my embrace. Her expression was blank, distant. There was a white bandage on the corner of her mouth from where she had injured herself earlier that day. "Homu...ra?"

I put my hands on her face, and looked deep into her eyes. "Madoka… what were you doing?"

Her face suddenly lit up, and her hands grabbed at my clothing. "Homura! Y-you know Kyubey, right?" Her fists balled tight around my clothing. "Can you get him for me? C-can you let him know I want to talk to him? Please?" She asked desperately. Her once dull eyes had now become wide and determined with her plea.

I wrapped my arms around her head and hugged her tightly into my chest. "No…" I said. "There is nothing to be gained from that creature."

She instantly shook away from my hold, and pulled back enough to look at my face again. My hands instead fell to her shoulders.

"But… I-I need to make a wish. Please help me find him! Please!" Tears were forming in her eyes. She was so desperate. Clearly, she already knew what wish she wanted to make. "PLEASE!" she practically screamed. "Help me!"

"Madoka… what happened to you?" I whispered, shocked that even now she was acting nothing like the Madoka who I knew and loved.

The tears started flowing freely and she sobbed, shaking her head. Her face twisting as her eyes lost focused, perhaps remembering whatever horrible thing put her in this state. "I-I can't take this!" she whined. "I'm losing my mind! Please, I have to make this go away! S-so please, help me find Kyubey!"

Madoka's breathing became heavy. She started inhaling and exhaling at a rapid rate. Her eyes grew wide as she stared back at me. "Please…" she uttered. "Just tell me where he is…He can make this stop..." The expression on her face was full of horror. Again I asked myself; what could have happened to her?

I pulled her back into my embrace, wrapping my arms tightly around her. Tears were now freely falling from my eyes as well. I've never seen her like this. Not after watching her best friend turn into a witch, not after watching Mami kill Kyoko, not after having to kill Mami herself, not after watching walpurgisnacht destroy the city, or lying in the rain with me and coming to terms with her own death. I've never seen her this desperate, this broken. I've never seen anything like this!

"Madoka! What happened to you?" I begged once again, holding her as tight as I could. "Please tell me."

She was fully sobbing now, unable to string two words together. I did my best to comfort her, rubbing her back as I held her. She was beyond calming down, but when it seemed she was at least together enough to speak I tried again.

"I'm going to help you, but I have to know what happened. I can't help you if I don't know." Her body suddenly froze. I could imagine the expression that must be in her eyes, though her face was against my chest. "It's okay," I said as soothingly as possible. "It's alright, I'm going to fix this… just tell me what's wrong."

Slowly, her arms moved. Her fingers crawled up my body, to my collar, and then to my face. Her fingers so tense they twisted like claws and held my cheeks. Her head was bowed, staring at the ground. I simply watched her, shocked.

Slowly her head lifted. I saw her face, and I hated myself for thinking this, but I thought she barely looked human anymore. Her eyes turned to black saucers. There was no color in her cheeks, they were as white as the bandage that was taped to the side of her mouth. Even her lips seemed to turn gray, and the wrinkles on her forehead distorted her features even further to the point it was like someone else's face had stolen the body of my dear friend.

Slowly her lips moved, her voice so low even a soft breeze threatened to drown her out. But, I heard the words…

The words themselves were terrible enough... but her face… the abandonment of humanity it required to simply whisper those three words - that is where the true horror laid.

Because, her face gave a small window to what those words truly meant. That window was only a taste, however. It was a small sample of the full meal that she must have been forced to swallow.

Madoka… she knew what those words meant better than anyone, and knew I could not possibly fully understand. After she spoke them, the gray lips curled up in a cold, condescending smile.

" _I..._

 _Remember..._

 _ **Dying…."**_

* * *

 _ **-Atomyst**_


End file.
